This year I have experienced pain that I couldn’t even begin to describe. I have been numb to my core and have felt so disappointed. There were moments I had no idea what I wanted to do or howI would get out of my funk. There was a point this year where I lost myself and almost hated myself. I did things that were self-sabotaging and completely unhealthy. I spent months after those moments “faking happiness” and pretending everything is okay but it wasn’t. I was drowning and didn’t know what to do, which is ironic because I work in the mental health field, so why would I not go and get some help, right? I spent most of this year, what felt like digging myself out of hole, striving and fighting to love myself again and to find happiness. I don’t know how but finally in October I made a choice to start living a healthier lifestyle. I genuinely started to become happier again and have started to love myself. I enjoy taking my son out and doing things with him and I can actually keep up with him for the most part. I have enjoyed just doing life again. My word for 2019 was courage. If I’m being honest I didn’t feel very courageous, throughout this year. But I must of been because I’m still here fighting for my happiness and health. So, here is to the new decade and to a new year. A new year of growing and being the best me I can be.