|Here I Stand|

Here I stand staring down the long road,
feeling exhausted, broken, and lonely,
but I’m here, still standing,
still believing, in all Your promises.

 

When I am weary and burdened,
and have lost all hope, You are there.
When I start to stumble and lose strength,
You are there, renewing my spirit.

 

When I am broken, You raise my chin up,
binding and healing my wounds that run deep.

When I begin to doubt, You are there,
speaking absolute truth into my life.

 

When I feel all alone, You are there
wrapping me up in Your grace and mercy.
When I doubt, You are there,
reminded me how much I am loved.

 

I will walk this journey in truth
feeling, renewed, healed, and blessed.

Though the storm fiercly rages on,

I will stand firm in Your promises.

 

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|Creating Me.|

I’ve been hooked on this song recently. It is by Old Dominion No Such Thing As A Broken Heart. It’s talks about loving like there is no such thing as a broken heart. Wouldn’t that be great if you could do that? You wouldn’t put walls up and become guarded. You wouldn’t become jaded when it comes to trusting people and putting yourself out there.

As I turned thirty this year and had a few life changes I realized that I don’t want to settle with who I am as a person right now. I want to keep growing and keep “creating a me” I can be proud of. I took a personality quiz and it came back that I was 94% introverted. Haha. Now I do enjoy my alone time, but how am I supposed to meet new people, if I isolate and keep to myself so much? So, I did something crazy, I started doing stuff outside my comfort zone. Some things were a little more risky than others, like meeting a complete stranger and driving around for three hours just sharing stories of the past. Which is something I would never dream of doing.

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I’m determined to create the new me and I never want to stop. I want to do what this song says too, and love like I’ve never had a broken heart. I want to stop holding myself back and live without limits.

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|Being Authentic|

This thought has been brewing in my mind lately about what can I do to be a better person, to be a better Christ-Follower and it dawned on me that even though I’m living in a time of social media and selfies I need to learn to be more authentic. It’s okay to let people know when you are having a rough go at things. You don’t need to paint that ‘picture perfect’ life, because it doesn’t exist.

I asked myself,  what does it mean to be authentic? It means we need to be real and genuine with people. I also believe we need to be transparent with others. This can be so hard. We don’t want to be Debbie downers, but do we honestly want people to believe that we never have trouble? If truth be told, most people don’t want to be around someone who always seems to “have it together.”

I believe being transparent and authentic go hand in hand. I’m not saying that you must tell everyone every bad day you have and so forth. However, if you go through something hard, and someone asks you how you are getting through it, you should tell them how. Even if maybe you are struggling, we are meant to encourage and build each other up and we can’t do this if were not honest.

Do you ever feel like you are alone in a situation? The enemy wants us to feel isolated and alone. That’s shame. God wants us to be free. I’m not saying you have go and tell everyone everything, but find that one person that you can be vulnerable with, because I promise you, you aren’t alone. Someone has been through what you’re going through in some form or another and they can help you process. They can also pray with you and for you!

My goal with this blog, is to be authentic. I’m thirty years old and the good Lord is still working on me. I’m still learning who I am and what I was created to be. So, I want to be real with you guys, so some days there will be posts that are just plain ugly. My sinful, prideful, fleshy side will show, because it is something God is working on with me, and I want to share it with you all. I want you to know my struggles; maybe they are your struggles too. The whole point of this blog is to share about God, show what He can do. So, this is my hope to always be authentic, and always be honest and open with you.

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|Becoming Wrecked.|

You ever have those moments in life where you just break?  You tell yourself you are fine and that you are strong. For awhile this is true, or at least you portray it to be true, but then something happens and everything comes crashing to the surface at once and you become undone.

That was me this morning at church.  I’ve been hurting, feeling unworthy and self-loathing for a while. Yet, every day I put on my best facade, fake smiling and laughing at friends’ jokes all while wishing I could be in a deep dark hole. I’ve made choices in my past I haven’t been proud of and choices recently I haven’t been proud of. It’s one of those you know what’s right and wrong, but somehow you still choose to do wrong, and it begins to eat at you.  The irony is we do wrong so we can chase happiness and satisfaction and we may find it momentarily, but then it vanishes and we are left feeling sad, guilty, and ashamed. All shame and guilt bring are pain and suffering, and that happiness you were chasing becomes more and more destructive.

Readers, I grew up in the church, I was that good girl, the goody two shoes, I knew what to do, I knew the ‘rules’ to follow, read your Bible, pray, and so on and so forth. I volunteered at church, I think at one point I was at the church five days a week, but the truth is you can follow everything you’re supposed too and you can know what’s right or wrong, but if you don’t believe it with your heart, life is a whole lot harder, and are you truly living with the grace and forgiveness the Father is offering? I don’t thing so. It’s one thing to know and it’s another to believe it and live it.

I think Taylor Swift said it best, “You can tell me when it’s over, if the high was worth the pain.” I can tell you in my life it wasn’t, and I can assure you, it won’t be in yours either. But the amazing thing about God, when we stray from Him, He waits for us to repent and turn around. He waits with open arms, because He loves us and wants that relationship with us and He’s patient. I don’t know about you guys, but I can be a bit stubborn, and the amazing thing is He knows that and puts people in my life to give me that little push when I need it. He also makes sure that there are things I will see and/ or hear that will help too. That’s what led up to today. God’s been working on my heart for these past two weeks, I know He has and I’ve been a bit resistant, I’m use to faking my happiness and getting by, but that’s not enough for God, He wants more for me and He wants more for you. Today, was it, He wrecked me through worship… I broke and to be honest I feel so much better. Today Pastor Josh challenged us that when people make us mad or wrong us to remember that God sacrificed His Son for them. He also sacrificed His Son for you and I. What a loving God we served. I feel at peace after church today. I laid it all down, I confessed everything I was feeling, and I handed it over to God. Today, is the day, that I will put on my real smile and choose joy, and not self satisfying happiness. Today, I choose to no longer just know what is right and wrong, but also to truly believe it. I choose to surrender.

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This is going to be my prayer or the next few months as God continues to work in me. I know there will be times when I stumble and fall down, but I also believe that I serve a God full of love and grace that will forgive me, when I ask. My word for this year was healing, it may have taken me a little while, but here I am fully surrendering to God and allowing Him to come in and fully heal me.

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|You Are my God in This Season|

In this season I am broken and hurting;
my heart aches and my mind is weary.
I praise Your name and trust in Your word
but I’m struggling to find joy and peace;
and understanding in this trial.

Help me Lord, please heal this broken heart,
and to find rest in You, so I may not be weary.
Help me through this journey of loneliness and pain,
walk with me through this season in my life.
Helping me find joy and peace, even when it’s hard.

You are the God, who makes all things new,
the God who brings joy, with the mornings.
You are the God of second and third chances.
You are the God who heals the brokenhearted,
and binds up all their wounds.

I praise you because I am made in Your image,
because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Though, this season is filled with brokenness
I will trust in Your truth and promises.
I will praise You with a new song.

You are my God and You are my Father
in you, I will find peace and comfort.
I will find the strength I need in You,
to make it through the night, and find the joy
I’ve been longing for in the morning.

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